Thursday, July 22, 2010
Sunday, July 4, 2010
I've been coming up with so many new ideas, and really have felt super inspired. Having Noah here to model and try on all of my things makes it so much easier too. Hopefully someday I will be able to make a living off of these types of things. It would be a dream come true.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
My "mother", or rather just the woman who gave birth to me is really not deserving of the title. I have willingly not seen her since I was 11 years old, and on most occasions feel that I wouldn't be sad in the slightest if I never saw her again. She is most certainly the only person I know who I want to grow into the opposite of. I strive my very hardest every day to be a better person than she was to me as a mother. I aim to be a better mother than she is, and to just live a healthier life, affecting people positively - unlike her. This woman has had 3 children, all of which she was entirely incapable of taking care of. She beat us, verbally abused us, and gave us away to foster care, asked us if we wanted to be adopted, and lied about the abuse. She liked to claim we hurt ourselves. She blatantly denied ever hitting us, directly to me. Mind you, I have scars from this woman.
Well, as for that short summary of this woman, I was browsing the interwebs in search of her. Why, do you ask? If I dislike her so much? Well for a while it appeared that she disappeared off the face of the earth. And every once in a while I look online to see if there are any posting for a death, or some such. Sure, it seems pretty morbid, but since I never know what she is doing with her life, I can't be too sure. Sure enough though, this time in looking I actually found her. I found her to be actively posting articles on a site. Quite a few of them turned out to be advice on parenting, many preaching about the many things she was incapable of doing. To top that of course, she makes it seem as though she has always done these great things, and that everyone else screwed her over. She claims to never have hit us, never having abandoned us, and having always given us hugs? Ahh.
I do not know why I allow this woman to affect my life. I should be well beyond her reach, and should let everything roll right off of me. I suppose that in a way I just want to find her one day, and see her remorse over the things she has done, and to try to make amends by honestly facing the past and moving forward positively. I think I know that this will never ever happen. I don't think it's a terrible thing to want one's mother to act like it for once.
I looked at my own child after reading the things she said. I know that I will always be a better mother than she could ever have tried to be. I do not take it for granted. I brought this boy into the world to nourish and love and cherish him indefinitely.
If I have learned anything from my mother, it is that I know what it feels like to be without love. And my son will never have to be starved, and will never be left behind. My son will never bear a bruise from my hand, and my son will feel surrounded by support.
Looking at my son's smile, I see that he already is happy and feels love all around.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
1 month after Noah was born, my entire family (parents and siblings) came to meet new Noah, and we had such a great time. I was so lucky to have had them all come.
My crafting has continued to include adorable baby hats with animal ears on them. Soon they will be available for purchase online, and I am sure you will all love them as much as I do! I have also learned to knit, and have been practicing almost daily.
Life is good, and life is amazing and beautiful. It's so great to stop and be reminded to be thankful for the precious time we have.
For those who read my PUPPPS post, and are wondering how it all turned out, well it took several weeks, about a month actually for it to really 'subside'. I still had a bit here and there for a little longer, and still to this day have random hives show up on my belly, just a few at a time, and they swell really big and are super itchy. I am hoping this will also go away.
Also, I wanted to warn soon to be moms about blocked milk ducts. I had a lot of difficulties in the beginning with breastfeeding, and ended up having a blocked milk duct by the end of the first month. I did all the things that you are told to do, massaging, turning the baby's chin in the direction, hot compresses and ice packs, and nothing worked. I went to the lactation consultant after having it for 3 weeks, and she told me to wait it out. Well a few days after seeing her it became exceedingly inflamed, and huge, it looked like I had a golf ball under my skin. I could barely move my arm, and we went to the doctors - and were prescribed medication. I took the pills for 3 days and then noticed it was way worse, I could see blood pooling under the skin. I was then sent to the hospital, and they ended up having to drain it by sticking a needle in it. It was the worst pain I think I have ever been in. So if you are having difficulties with a milk duct, please press your doctors for the medication if it doesn't go away after about a week. Mine could have been fixed if my lactation consultant had given me the prescription, instead of not listening to me properly. You know your own body.
I am now fully healed and have no problems breastfeeding. I do have a scar from this whole ordeal though. Just pay attention to if it starts to get bigger, that's when you need to get it checked out.
I am now going to entertain you with a few pictures of my son, some with him sporting the new hats I will be selling!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
32 week baby Noah
34 Week belly
I suppose it could be about time for an update.
Things are just crazy right about now, and pretty much for the best.
We have been working on preparing our new home we recently got the keys to, to fit our needs and taste. It's really been a lot of fun, and I will post some before and after shots soon for your entertainment.
Pregnancy news update: I have just about reached week 36, and seem to be measuring at a whopping 42 weeks already. Having recently taken some blood tests to check on my rashes again, the doctors realized that my iron levels are really low and apparently I am really anemic. Hemoglobin levels are around 84 or some such. My midwife scheduled an appointment for me to go into the hospital and receive and IV of iron. Well we went in to get this the other day, and the doctor there said she never scheduled the IV itself, but just an appointment. It was a little frustrating for me, as I had mentally prepared myself for it, having a hard time with them in my past. They informed me that if my iron supplements didnt improve my levels by this next Tuesday then they would perform the IV. Here's to hoping.
So Tuesday I have a blood test scheduled, another ultrasound immediately after, and another doctors appointment with the blood test results and possible IV all scheduled in a group. I am excited about the ultrasound of course.
My midwife has suddenly started talking of inducing me due to the amount of fluid I have (3 liters), the size of the baby, the fact that I have this rash, and the fact that I am a very small person, and the weight is hurting me. I am really very surprised by her determination towards this, as in previous months even the slightest mention of inducing by me was shunned profusely. The normal way of things is to only consider inducement if the baby is 2 weeks overdue. So I am a bit more pleased that my midwife is looking at me as an individual rather than grouping me in with everyone else. I hate feeling like a nameless face.
Noah's room is coming along nicely. My nesting instincts are definitely kicking in, and it is so much fun gathering all the things I think I will need (of course some of these things I won't end up needing, by just TRY and convince me otherwise right now haha!). We are finishing up painting his room, and I will be stenciling via a projector Kurt Halsey animals on the walls.
I am just so excited to meet this little guy, and hopefully I will in just a few short weeks, if they do induce me. And if they don't... well in just a few more weeks after that :D
And the best news on top of that, from April 2nd - April 12th my ENTIRE family will be visiting, grandma included. I couldn't be more thrilled or happy. This is really the biggest gift life has given me - my home, my baby, my family. I am really looking forward to what else this year has in store.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy (PUPPP), also known as polymorphic eruption of pregnancy, is the most common rash in pregnant women. It normally occurs in first pregnancies during the third trimester with an average onset of 35 weeks. Thankfully, PUPPP does not usually affect subsequent pregnancies.
Appearance of PUPPP
The rash of PUPPP almost always begins in the stretch marks (striae) of the abdomen. It does not involve the belly button distinguishing it from other common rashes of pregnancy. The rash itself consists of small, red wheals in the stretch marks that grow together to form larger wheals on the abdomen. Sometimes the rash can include small vesicles. Over the next several days, the rash can spread over the thighs, buttocks, breasts, and arms.
The rash is very itchy, or pruritic, hence the name. This condition is harmless to mother and baby, but can be very annoying. It lasts an average of 6 weeks and resolves spontaneously 1 to 2 weeks after delivery. The most severe itching normally lasts for no more than 1 week.
Cause of PUPPP
The cause of PUPPP is unknown. It is not associated with preeclampsia, autoimmune disorders, hormonal abnormalities, or fetal abnormalities. Some investigators suggest that the rapid abdominal wall distension damages connective tissue and causes an inflammatory response. One study has shown that male fetal DNA can be found in skin biopsies of the rash. Since 70% of women with PUPPP give birth to boys, a new hypothesis is that male fetal DNA acts as a skin irritant.
Diagnosis of PUPPP
The diagnosis of PUPPP is clinical, meaning it is based solely on the appearance of the rash. There are no laboratory tests that detect PUPPP. Skin biopsies are not generally performed unless there is a question about the diagnosis.
The treatment of PUPPP is symptomatic. High strength steroid creams or ointments, such as clobetasol (Temovate) or betamethasone (Diplrolene), used up to 5 to 6 times a day usually relieve the itching and prevent the spread of the rash. Once the rash is under control, changing to a lower strength steroid used less frequently is advisable. For severe cases, daily oral steroids may be necessary to control itching. Oral antihistamines such as atarax, benadryl, and zyrtec, are generally less effective for itching than steroids, but may be useful at night to help with sleep.
How did PUPPPs affect me, do you ask? Well it sucked. It has been taking this pregnancy and filled it with a lot of miserable itching, ice packs, prescriptions, scabs, and general discomfort, modesty... The list goes on. I am almost certain I will have scars on my arms and legs from the scabs left behind from this. Hot showers didn't help me, oatmeal didn't help, aloe, diaper ointment... anything that you can slather on your skin.... Olive oil, shea butter, cocoa butter... Nothing. Even the steroid creams didn't 'help'. Now, I have general control over the problem because I have been told to take 4 steroid pills a day, 5 antihistamines a day, 2 different creams, and even have a sleeping pill for when it gets super bad. I got about a week and a half of the welts being under control before they started forming on my upper belly again. I currently still have them, but since I have my medication, it hasn't gotten as bad as it was. I have some pictures that I artfully (not) took myself to help you see what it is I have, in case you may have it too. Please disregard my poor job. :)
Under my arms...
and my belly of course. I was unable to take pictures of my own back... but I had plenty of welts there as well. Really, my body was covered. Even on my bum! Terrible. In the information I posted, it says it can be 'annoying'. But this is really the understatement of the year. Most women who have it this bad will explain how it is the worst thing they have ever experienced, as one feels a huge sense of helplessness. I felt as though I was slowly losing my mind, the constant itching and nothing being able to scratch, my skin felt and looked disgusting, covered in red welts all over. I was embarrassed to go outside. And still mostly am. Most people do not understand this condition, as it only affect 1% of pregnant women. So being pregnant, and covered in huge red welts everywhere, constantly itching everywhere, or as I am now, covered in disgusting scabs, and still itching everywhere, people just don't know why it is. And the many nights of sleep I lost because I was up crying helplessly, not understanding why I couldn't be like all the other pregnant women who didn't suffer from this, and how was I to deal with this for so long... my poor husband was so amazing, and did everything he could to ease my suffering. He brought me fresh ice packs... rubbed oil on my skin when the itching got so bad that I was practically convulsing, and his awesome support really helped me so much.
Please ladies, if you are suffering from itching in the palms of your hands or the soles of your feet, and do not have a rash, go to the doctor immediately! There could be a problem with your liver! They can determine this with blood tests. The doctors checked my blood as well, to rule out that problem for me. And if you are suffering from this terrible rash, I understand. I hate reading the line 'it is harmless to the mother' as it does hurt, physically and mentally and emotionally. If you need support, or have any questions, please feel free to ask me.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Remembering to not rely on anyone but myself. Remembering to not let hope become a false reality.