Friday, January 15, 2010

week 32

So I have made it to week 32. After several doctors appointments, several prescriptions, several steroids and antihistamines later, I am moderately controlling my PUPPPS. Even though my skin is covered in scabs, irritated skin, and the general overall itchiness one gets with this condition, I suppose it is better. My spirits are a little dampened by the whole ordeal, although knowing that by little Noah is coming in so few weeks is definitely a thing to look forward to. My friend Brooke just had her baby, and I congratulate her profusely and with such admiration and pride for her. Her little baby, Jude Lawrence, is absolutely beautiful. Really, seeing a friend who was very close in time to me in this whole experience, but being able to watch her just a bit ahead of me has been lovely.

We are moving into our new home this month. My birthday is next week. 25. A 'homeowner' at 25 isn't half bad to me, with a little family of my own. Things could definitely be a lot worse. Pardon me if my typing sounds a little ungrateful or cynical or pessimistic tonight, as I am feeling rather blank. Exhaustion perhaps?

I am a tad bit miffed that my family will probably not be able to make it in time for me to have Noah. And by this, I mean the day that I am actually having him. To have my mother in the room, holding my hand, telling me that I am strong enough to do this, to bring another human into the world, and that it is all worth it. And that I am not alone. And that this country doesn't have to feel so small. That I don't have to feel so small. To know that I am not a terrible person for living so far away from my family that they won't have as much of a chance to know their little Noah. I am constantly struggling with these thoughts on a day to day basis, and I have to remember to just be grateful for the things like the fact that they can come meet him at all, and finally see this country, this place, this story and truth I have of Iceland. The validation that my life is not make believe. Family seeing that I am what I say I am. Who I am, living the life that I am.

Gibberish. I don't seem to be making much sense. Check out my Etsy.


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